selfish(less)ness
by crownedcrusader
Summary: It bothers Ladybug that Chat Noir is so willing to sacrifice himself for her.


Sometimes, Marinette really wished she could talk to Alya about Chat Noir.

Not the same way she talked to her about Adrien, of course—but the way she talked to Alya about everything else. Alya was practically a saint, always willing to help Marinette keep coolheaded over life's little problems. Whether it was homework or babysitting or school troubles or, yes, figuring out how to woo Adrien, Alya was always willing to help her.

And she definitely needed _someone's_ help about Chat Noir.

Marinette threw herself back on her bed, arms spread out as she stared up at the ceiling. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she replayed the day's events.

Ladybug and Chat Noir had been fighting the latest Akuma, one with a very dangerous golf power. Just the same as usual, they worked together to outsmart him and bring him down. But just before their victory, it had happened.

 _Again_.

They were in the heat of battle, and while the tide had been going in her favor up till this point, the Golfer managed to corner her. He'd raised his golf club, clearly ready to seriously injure her—or worse, take her Miracle Stone. And Chat Noir, stupid, insufferable, arrogant, overly protective fool that he was, jumped in and pushed her out of harm's way at the last second, taking the hit himself.

He'd been left with a bad injury on his shoulder—Ladybug was just glad it wasn't his head—and yet, for all his silly flirtation afterward, for all of his pleas that she kiss him and make it better, there hadn't been a trace of that silliness when he'd actually dived for her.

It wasn't the first time it had happened, either.

Time and time again, he prioritized her safety far above his own. It wasn't even just the obvious times, either—like when he'd dived for her to save her from Timebreaker and had disappeared as a consequence. He was always willing to play a distraction in pressing situations, rising getting hurt while she strategized how to take down the Akuma.

Chat was always willing to put himself in harm's way, to take the more dangerous task, to leap into danger, _especially_ if she was about to be hurt—and for what? She _needed_ him—there was no point in him getting hurt for her sake. They were a team, a team that couldn't function with only one half, regardless of which half was present.

She needed Chat Noir just as much as he needed her.

And it _bothered_ her that he was so willing to ignore his own wellbeing for her sake.

It had been a problem for a while, Marinette supposed, thinking back to some of their first encounters. But before, everything could be undone with the Miraculous Light. He'd never stayed stuck, or vanished, or chained. Marinette had never had to worry about lasting damage, because there never had been, before.

Not until today.

And it _bothered_ her—and it bothered her that he was so careless with his own safety. He _could_ play it safe, she knew. He could control his bad luck well enough; it wasn't as if he was forced into situations where he had to save her. Sometimes he'd be a block away and _still_ manage to dive in in time.

They were partners. They had each other's backs, and yes, part of that was prioritizing their teammate's safety above all else.

But when she was inches from being hurt and Chat Noir couldn't save her without getting hurt in the process? That's where Marinette drew the line.

Ladybug was a tactician; Chat Noir worked on instinct. Ladybug might have prioritized her partner's safety above all else—it still hurt to think about the time he'd been locked in the freezer, unable to find his ring—and she knew she'd be willing to take a hit for him if that's what it took to beat the Akuma. But sometimes it seemed so _pointless_ for Chat Noir to take the hit for her instead.

They both knew the risks. They both knew that this could be life and death.

And it wasn't Chat Noir's place to get hurt on her behalf.

Didn't he know she needed him?

Marinette scowled up at the ceiling, finally deciding to pay her teammate a visit. She'd get it through his thick skull somehow. This couldn't continue, or else Chat Noir was going to get hurt—more seriously than he already had.

So she fed Tikki a few stray cookies, then transformed in an alley behind her house.

With a heavy heart, Ladybug leapt up onto a rooftop, communicator out before she'd even landed.

"Chat," she said, leaving a message in case he was with someone at the moment. "We need to talk."

* * *

"One of these days you're going to end up breaking something," Plagg said, floating around Adrien's head. "And then how are you going to help Ladybug, hmm?"

"I know, I _know_ ," Adrien said, holding ice to his shoulder. "But he was aiming for her head! I couldn't just let him get away with it!"

Plagg tsked, floating up in front of Adrien's face. "He nearly hit you in yours."

"Still would've been better than him hitting her." Adrien adjusted his ice pack, the ice brushing against the most sensitive part of his bruise. He let out a hiss of pain but didn't move his ice pack again; the ice was already doing its job. "I can't let him hurt her."

For a second, something like concern flashed on Plagg, but the little spirit didn't let it stay long. Instead, it flashed a smile then dropped down to rest on Adrien's knee. "Wonder if Ladybug would agree. She didn't look happy when you left in such a hurry. Is upsetting your Lady really worth it?"

Adrien laughed, but his face still looked pinched with pain. "She has a cute pouty face. I'll live."

As if on cue, Adrien's communicator suddenly buzzed with a voicemail.

"Well," Plagg said, floating over to the staff. "Looks like you might get to see her cute pouty face tonight after all." With a mischievous smile, he pressed 'listen' on Ladybug's message.

Adrien sighed, closing his eyes as he slowly brought himself to his feet. The ice pack would have to stay here; there was a chance Ladybug was calling about something else, and the last thing he wanted was for her to be reminded of his impulsivity. "I don't get to get out of this one, do I?"

"Not since you let me finish off the bleu," Plagg said with a grin, flying into Chat Noir's ring without another word.

As Chat Noir snuck out of Adrien's balcony for what must have been the thousandth time, he couldn't help but wonder at the feeling of dread that filled him. Much as he hoped it wouldn't be, he had a feeling Ladybug wanted to know why he'd leapt for her without a thought to his own safety.

After all, they were _teammates_. And Ladybug had made it clear, time and time again, that she didn't want his love.

What if she decided that she didn't want to be his partner anymore if he loved her?

* * *

They met at an alleyway on the southern end of the city. Private—where no nosy reporters would think to look. They'd gotten their fair share of clippings recently after all. The last thing Ladybug and Chat Noir wanted was for someone to report on infighting.

Ladybug was already there when Chat Noir arrived. He'd arrived all bravado—agile as ever, with a dramatic dive for the alleyway at the last second. But he'd relied on the night to cover his wince, and he hadn't been able to stop himself from reflexively grabbing his hurt shoulder before Ladybug saw.

"If you don't want it to hurt, then you shouldn't have made such an entrance," she said, already crossing towards him. "What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking that you wouldn't notice, My Lady," Chat said with an attempt at his normal, flirtatious smile. It only seemed to make Ladybug angrier, though, so he let it drop from his face with an exaggerated sigh. "If it upsets you so much, why did you call me out here in the first place?"

"You know why."

Chat Noir winced at the tone. "That's hardly fair."

"It isn't fair for you to take a hit for me, and yet here we are." Ladybug prompted him to sit down, taking a seat beside him on the side of his bad arm. She examined it closely, tsking when she noticed how swollen it was. "You should have ice on this."

"I did, earlier," Chat said.

Ladybug looked up at him, a frown on her face. "You didn't take it with?"

"I…" He scratched the back of his neck, looking sheepish. "I was hoping this conversation wouldn't be about this. That if I didn't bring ice, you'd forget about it."

His teammate's frown only deepened. "You thought I'd just forget about it? Chat…"

"Well, I had hoped. I blame bad luck powers for it not going as I'd hoped," he said, finally pulling his injured arm away from her. The motion made him wince, but it was bad enough that she'd seen it up close—he didn't want her to stare. "Or perhaps if this was what you wanted, it was just your good luck, hm?"

"I don't want to have to talk about this, but you're not leaving me much of a choice."

Chat sighed, looking up at the night sky. "I disagree. It would be very easy for you to drop the subject."

Ladybug crossed her arms, but the agitation was fading from her face already. Instead, she just looked concerned. "Chat," she sighed. "We had to talk about this sometime. I'd just hoped you wouldn't end up getting hurt before we did."

Chat Noir attempted a smile. "I can't help it. I want you safe. You're so beautiful, how could I let such a pretty thing get hurt if I can help it?"

"We both know the risks," Ladybug snapped, not in the mood for her partner's levity. "I know what happens if I get hurt. I've made peace with it. I haven't made peace with the thought of you taking that hurt for me." When her partner looked away, Ladybug was quick to take hold of his chin and make him look her way. "I'm not finished. We're a team, Chat. Do you know what that means?"

"Looking after each other," Chat shot back, finally pushing her hand away. It was rare indeed that he'd push away her affection (rare as it was) but he couldn't bring himself to make eye contact. "I thought I was doing just that. Forgive me for trying to be a good teammate."

Ladybug stood up, walking till she was in front of him once more. "Partners look after each other, but we have to see each other as _equals_ , Chat." She put her hands on her hips. "My life isn't worth any more than yours. If I get hurt, that's my own fault, and I have to deal with the consequences. It isn't your place to step in."

"If I can keep you from getting hurt, I will." Chat Noir finally looked up at her, but the concern in her eyes made him drop his gaze almost immediately. It hurt to see her so worked up over this. Normally his partner was levelheaded—calm, cool, and collected. To see her so worried (and especially to know that he'd caused it) upset him immensely. "Lady… Please. I just want to see you safe. You save me all the time—how is what I do any different?"

To his surprise, Ladybug immediately got defensive. "It's not the same," she said quickly. "I don't end up getting hurt in your stead."

"How is that not the same? That's just good luck. You can't use your power's advantage in a situation like this. If we do the same thing, then how can you blame me for being unlucky?"

Good as Chat Noir's point was, Ladybug knew he was dodging the question. "This isn't about good luck or bad luck. This is about me doing what I can to make sure you don't get hurt, and you specifically choosing to take a hit for me any time you think I'm in danger."

"If our roles were reversed, you would do the same. You're the only one who can catch and fix the akuma, after all. If you don't make it to the end of the fight and catch it, then the battle might never end." It was, perhaps, the only other argument Chat Noir could make that wouldn't give away his ulterior motives. But he knew Ladybug was smarter than that. She had to be. He pulled his knees to his chest, staring at them so he wouldn't have to look up and meet her eyes again.

Ladybug was having none of it. She leaned forward, resting her crossed arms atop her knees. "I'm not sure how much you remember from when we took down Timebreaker, but you did the same thing then." She looked away, conflicted. "If our situations were reversed, you'd be telling me the same thing right now. If I'd lunged for you last-second against a villain that could make people disappear… if you'd had to hold me in your arms as I faded away to nothing, you'd be saying exactly what I'm saying now. Stop valuing my life over yours. We're equals, Chat. Always have been."

Chat Noir sighed, leaning back onto his uninjured hand. "And yet, here we are." Seeing the frustration on Ladybug's face, he added, "All I mean is that we can't go back and change it. My shoulder is still bruised. You're still angry with me. I still fully plan on protecting you when I can, and you still insist that what we do is different, somehow."

Ladybug had no real answer to that. She simply stared at him for a while, unsure how to continue. But one of them had to admit defeat, and she knew it wouldn't be Chat. So just this once, she decided to let him win. She hopped up next to him, and, in a rare display of affection, wrapped her arm around his shoulders. Keeping his bad arm in mind, she gently pulled him to the side till he could rest her head against her shoulder.

"My Lady?" he asked, confusion clear on his face, but he didn't make any moves to get away.

"I'm still mad at you," Ladybug said. But there was only frustration on her face, and concern; real anger was nowhere to be found. More than anything, she looked like she wanted him to be safe—almost as if she felt guilty about his injury.

But Chat Noir had enough sense not to ask. They'd said enough, tonight; Chat decided he'd take what he could get. He got his head comfortable against her shoulder, letting out a long, comfortable sigh once he was finally settled. "You're cute when you're mad, though," he said, voice light in an attempt to make the conversation a bit less heavy. "So I don't think this is much punishment."

Ladybug didn't respond.

As much as she liked to think Chat's crush was just for show, that he had no _real_ affection for her, times like today and back during the Timebreaker fiasco made her wonder. But her teammate was hurt, and she was still in love with Adrien. The last thing she wanted was to ask him if he really did love her as much as he teased he did—more for his sake than for hers, because she couldn't imagine herself reciprocating.

After a while, though, Chat Noir's ring let out a beep as a pad on the paw went dark. He slowly sat up, wincing as his balance readjusted.

"I should get going," he said, starting to sit up. "Goodnight, My Lady."

"Goodnight, Chat." Ladybug hopped up, offering him a hand up. "You're sure you can make it home alright? You look awful."

"My lady insults me so," Chat replied, clutching at his heart with his good hand. Ladybug rolled her eyes, and Chat Noir couldn't help but grin at her. "I'm sure, though. I made it here, after all."

Ladybug hardly looked convinced, but Chat Noir was just happy that she cared. He smiled and, unable to help himself, blew a kiss as he leapt onto the roof and soon vanished into the sky, presumably on his way to his home.

Perhaps another night she'd ask him how serious his feelings were. Maybe she'd even get a real answer out of him rather than a flirtatious comment or a lewd smile. But for now, it was all she could do to wave and hope he iced his shoulder when he got home.

For now, this was enough.


End file.
